When love isn't enough.

My life isn't a movie. In the movies, when the good guy falls in love with someone, she eventually falls in love with him back. Maybe they take a few twists and turns, probably hurt each other a little to figure out that all they want is to make each other happy. And then they live happily ever after. In my life, the good guy falls in love with his best friend, and she can't fall back in love with him. And so they travel in a vicious circle until finally, it has to end.

Tonight, I said goodbye to my best friend. Probably for a long time. Neither of us is dying, or traveling somewhere exotic, or really going anywhere at all. Nonetheless, I know it will be a long time before I see him again. See, he is in love with me. And while I love him very much, I am not IN love with him. Any one who has ever been in a similar situation will be able to explain the world of difference between these two ideas;  loving someone, and being IN love with them. And that the divide between the two can break your heart into pieces.

Here is the thing about all this. I didn't know that tonight we would be saying goodbye, but I knew it would happen sooner or later. We have been walking on a ledge over looking the idea of a relationship, but I could never take the leap. And although we have a history going back nearly 6 years, it isn't enough to bridge the chasm between "in" love and friendship.

But for all this to make sense, we need to go back a bit. Before we were best friends, before love and friendship became such a tangled web that there is no way to see the beginning from the end. There is a lot to tell, and I'll do my best so that maybe, one day, it will be clear to all of us.